clouded-memories-of-nobody.blogspot.com.. This is my new blog.. Memories of Nobody..
The perfect word for it.. Can any1 understand how i'm feeling rite now?
As tears clot up above my eyebags, Blurring my vision.. Blurring my mind.
Fractions of memories of ME n HER flashed thru my mind. Times we had together.
As i type this, my heart feels so shattered. Donning on a zillion ton of sadness, depression..
The heavy heart weighing my soul down..
A whole churn of emotions chocking my heart as i write. The history of my relationship. The days without HER. The pain, the suffering, the loneliness, the depression. the END.
The world of mine has turned dark. Black n White. Neutral. Emotionless. HEARTLESS..
As i finally opened up my eyes n see tt i could nt trust any1 at all, no1 was trustworthy.
The feeling of being betrayed coupled with the WORST feeling of all - the feeling of a break up. she's smart. Far too smart i cld nt outwit her synical intentions leading to my downfall of all time. she won. I've become n suffering the pathetic state as i am in now. n the worls i live in. was back to being in the world where the door remains shut. forever. Am i really born to be a loner? Lonewolf.

Must every relationship of mine turn out this way? imperfection. break up. relationships tt nvr last. Relationships tt ends on festivals. Last was Chrismas. Now? Hellowean! Right in the middle of O levels. Did she really planned to make me fall, so deep tt i cant come out anymre? 9 mths 15days. 160108 - 311008. Why cant things turn out the way i want? i read HER notes just the other day. she told HER tt i dont deserve HER. affected out relationship. we werent the same aft tt. HER notes.. showed me SHE was suffering so much. does SHE really feel this way HERSELF? or did her influence brainwashed completely? i became irritating in HER eyes at times n SHE said SHE was suffering. That's basically it. I'm Lost! I've tried asking HER a couple of times whether SHE wanted to leave me. SHE dunno. That was already marked my loss. It already means it was over. it was only ytd tt i made it clear to HER. My first attempt of breakup went like this.. "Just dumpme. It's okay. Just tell me u wanna leave me. Just say it then. I dont wanna break up with u. Cuz i still love you. N.. It's yr 1st relationship. I really dont wanna spoil yr 1st love os even dump you. So. I think at least u dumping me,it won't be tt.. bad for you. Haiiz. I'm sorry" this was what came frm my heart. Words which are true. next attempt "Sorry. Dear. I'm sorry. I.. I have some1 else i love already. I dont love you anymre. Just forget abt me n i'll forget abt you. Dont u noe tt i'm just a flirt like wat ppl say? I dint like u from the very start. Let's just break. It's no use when i dont even love you at all. Bye" This.. was ALL a LIE. i dint have a choice. It was someway or another the last lie which i had to tell HER. this time a white lie. which i hope gets HER into another relationsip with sme1 else, far better than me, HER dream prince like Troy. to take care of HER. to love HER n nth gets in their way.SHE replied to me. " I din know i meant nothing to you.Haiz.I just hope it wont affect yr exam. Goodbye." I had to act strong. i had to. for HER eternal happiness, i just had to. to break up with HER. to Leave HER. to LIE to HER. Be mean to HER. My reply "Yahx. you dont mean anything to me at all. Goodnite n goodbye for the last time. Yr sis was rite. Yr battery was rite. Yr fwens were rite. I'm bad. Now u see.." i nearly broke into tears tt day. To have been so mean n strong when i was cracking up on the outside. I was failing myself. i knew tt. But for HER. i had to take the last step. Goodbye. my DEAR.. goodbye. forget abt this relationship. Forget abt me. Yr happiness is what you'll gain in return. I talked to pan tt nite.

WHAT HURTS THE MOST WAS BEING SO CLOSE.

HAVING SO MUCH TO SAY.

BUT I HAD TO WALK AWAY.

FOR NOW, FOREVER.

i hope we meet someday.

n if fate allows us, we will be together..

-My Conversation With HER-
[c=32]c[ShImIgAmI];ShhEn]]-*ClOuD❤™.[]wHaT IS[LOVE]? [I Hate MYSELF now!!][LET ME DIE!][day1]?[/c] says:
just forget abt me completely
[c=32]c[ShImIgAmI];ShhEn]]-*ClOuD❤™.[]wHaT IS[LOVE]? [I Hate MYSELF now!!][LET ME DIE!][day1]?[/c] says:
forget everytng
[c=32]c[ShImIgAmI];ShhEn]]-*ClOuD❤™.[]wHaT IS[LOVE]? [I Hate MYSELF now!!][LET ME DIE!][day1]?[/c] says:
tt's all i haev to say
[c=32]c[ShImIgAmI];ShhEn]]-*ClOuD❤™.[]wHaT IS[LOVE]? [I Hate MYSELF now!!][LET ME DIE!][day1]?[/c] says:
bye
[c=32]c[ShImIgAmI];ShhEn]]-*ClOuD❤™.[]wHaT IS[LOVE]? [I Hate MYSELF now!!][LET ME DIE!][day1]?[/c] says:
just..
[c=32]c[ShImIgAmI];ShhEn]]-*ClOuD❤™.[]wHaT IS[LOVE]? [I Hate MYSELF now!!][LET ME DIE!][day1]?[/c] says:
let it go..
[c=32]c[ShImIgAmI];ShhEn]]-*ClOuD❤™.[]wHaT IS[LOVE]? [I Hate MYSELF now!!][LET ME DIE!][day1]?[/c] says:
n find sme1 who truely loves u..
[c=32]c[ShImIgAmI];ShhEn]]-*ClOuD❤™.[]wHaT IS[LOVE]? [I Hate MYSELF now!!][LET ME DIE!][day1]?[/c] says:
bye