Saturday, November 22, 2008
today's SUNDAY!! officially. cuz past 12am le. Friday dint post cuz was too tired. Came back at 1 plus ytd. den bathed n sleep. Haiiz. SHAK sia. working 2 jobs!!! X_X. But no choice, i needa support myself. Cuz family's nt gg to support me anymre. sounds like survival game show. Watever it is, FAMILY JUST SUCKS! Leaving tt aside, Friday! Somehow cant really remember wat i did. Guess memory's really failing me. So young yet memory power of like a 90 yr old senior citizen. hmm. thinking. if i'm older, wont i forget things even faster? like if i'm doing sth a sec ago, n the next sec i completly forget everything. Is tt good? Forget troubles, worries, anxieties, anger, sadness, happiness, joy. Good or no good. Haiiz. anyway, my life's mostly full of SHIT! guess forgetting everything's better? SInce it's like majority of my life's full of unhappiness, why nt just forget n live each day anew? evreyday will be like ehx. It's a whol new whole to explore. everything will be new for exposure. but.. in life, in every1. why must thre be sth so strong tt prvents us to forget everything? why must there be the pull n constriction to hold us back. For 1 thing i cant bear to forget.. that's. Something.. haiiz. gotta pull myself together n live on.. :"_(
WORK KEEPS ME OUT OF THOUGHTS.. at least temporaryO ..
Friday!! what did i do??!! until now i cant even rember!! At times, reallly feel like hitting my head hard! wake my internal brain. LOL. i can only remember tt i work at popular in RI, Work in Fish n Co in the evening. Nth much. like the same i guess. Jun's nt working nxt week onwards. she's gg to genting with her son.. =(. No 1 to KENGGAI. hahas. Den i'll be like in charge of packing already? Hope Liting[jun's daughter] will pack with me. At least gt another person to KENGGAI. lol. if not really weird lehx. But still prfer to work alone. It's best. SO yahx. Jun's good lohx. Haiiz. An understanding parent.. I wished i was her son.. Haiiz. anw. wnt to work. nth muxh actually. Liting went for band prac. Weird. their prac so late. Lol.
She just came back frm camp. Slept long. Good for her. Mre rest de better. im missing her?
Today! Woke up den prepared to go out. Wanted go bookfest today at expo. But last min changed mind. Went to work instead. Hahas. Want mre $$ mahx. So need earn it. Today was pissed off regarding a few matters. Family, even workers at fish n co. Wa piang!! I'm like doing fryer duty. Mainly cook Captain Hook, New York, Fish n Chips, Prawn Fritters. Dere's another Fryer duty too. which cooks Sweet n Sour fish, Tilapia, Swordfish Calamarie, Fries, Mussels. N tt guy was incharge of the other fryer. if short of PPL, i wouold have to manage both. Yet this guy keep kajaoing my work lahx. Use my fryer to cook my things!! WHAT!! think i new dunno how to cook ahx?! i cook better than him can? the fryer was supposed to only fill any number of items but must be smae item. That guy smartalek! down all my Fish chips, n prawn fritters together. some mre differnt timing. Walao. Mak until tt prawn fritter inedible cuz uncooked flour n fried flour mixed together!! FUCK lahx. i kana scolded by chef manager lahx. WTH!! Tt guy still attitude sia. Think he's nt new means he's much better cook than me mehx? simple things like can'x mix food together he also anyhow le. how to cook good food? STUPID!! He want also use his own fryer or fry his own stuff together lahx. Fry mine togther. WTF lahx. wanted blow up at him but forget it. i'm new here anyway. dun wan any trouble. Damn FUCKed lahx.. ARRGH!! another guy also sebei ASSHOLE! walao. Banglahs always blanglahs. Head also blanglahs. Push all the rubbish job to me do. Thought i work afternoon shift til 9 before clean up de no need clear rubbish. Stupid Uppunah. assholes. Gimme the rubbish dump also 2x heavier than his. nvm. i dint wait for him to clear rubbish, he scold "WTF, why dint wait for me?" walao, he dilly-dally plus his rubbish dump lighter than mine still walk so slow, worst than TORTOISE!! come scold me! Feel like scolding him back lahx. den throw rubbish wan me oevrturn it for him. ask me for help to oevrtuen with him. Stupid again!! Overturn for him he let go! my whole body almost do inside the main rubbish dump lahx! wat fuck sia. Let go also dunno how to tell me. Just let go. Fuck sia! somemre. throw rubbish already smoke there. Another FUCKING idoit. the place he stand n smoke. above him gt sign"NO SMOKING!" stupid. tell him he still smoke. FUCK lahx this ppl. Damn assholes lehx. FUCKING IDOITS! i wanted go back on my own. he dun allow. say what must go back together. all UPPUNAH say! KOK lahx. talk cork. bobian wait for him smoke fin den fo up. dont care abt him. i push my trash bin w/o waiting for him. GOod lahx he. ask me push everything, he nvr push, just walk like damn free. nth do. ASSHOLES. but th other memebrs of Fish n Co. were really nice ppl. Like KING[Full Timer BOH], Kenny[Full Timer BOH], Zul aka STAR [Part Timer BOH], Spiderman(nickname) {forget real name}. n FOH ppl weere nice. KING was always coaching me patiently n cares for my welfare. he's good seh. LOL. Bought a pair of jean-like material sneakrs just for BOH job cuz very oily, n i was previoulsy wearing my nike. dint wanna dirty it or stain my nik shoe so bought sneakers to replace. 20bucks. Okay lahx. Got off work at 9, Worked 7 hrs today. den received her smses. Couldnt read them cuz odint wanna make fon oily. de went arcade with tt small guy. LOL. he owes me like $35 bucks total? lol. alot of ppl oweing me $$, hahas.
Arcade game - $4 + $5
Taxi Fare - $6
Top Up - $10 free 10
Mac - $10.
okay. tt was breakdown. LOL.
came home. talked to DAD. another fucked up conversation. n chanel. n it's 3 now!! i haven bathe yet sleep yet. Damn.
okay.. we started to msg each other frequently nowadays, aft she came back from camp. Though she lied to me regarding her migrating to othr countries, i dont blame hr for it. I really concealing all my feelings for her. I dunno why. I'm really afraid to love anymre.. maybe? i dunno. i hope nt, It's only my guess. but i do noe my heart stays with her. only her. cuz tt i can confirm. Aft we broke, I hadnt been thinkning of any1 nor had th urge to fill up the empty hole inside my heart by finding another girl. It's nt my style doing tt. i Rather feel the emptiness in my heart than lie to myself to get another GF to replace her n ultimately, i noe tt i'll nt be happy at all. cu it's nt the girl i trely love. this type of relationship is bound to crumble. That;s why i dun wan too. But. .
haiz. my heart id in a dilema. Should i rally trust love again? I dont wanna experience another similar break up feeling. Haiiz. Coward, maybe tt's what i am. Anyway, Just when i could start to take on the fact that she initially dint wanna patch back.I truely let go. I dint bother her lik i promised. Nitehr did i ask her for patch aft i said i finally gave up.. But now.. i think she changed her mind. i dunno. i'm confused. but i do love her alot. when she said she was leaving sing.. i gt a weird feeling like i dint wan her to leave. i wanted her to stay. At least having th chance to see her, talk to her, love her??... Confused state of mind..
the choices we make...
the IMPERFECTIONist trying to make THIS world PERFECT.
蓝俊胜
