Monday, January 18, 2010
HER.
Soul Mate.
Brothers.
Friends.
Family.
5 categories of people in life any single person on earth would do their best not to disappoint them.
4 categories of people you would not take them for granted except [FAMILY]
3 categories of people anyone would go all lengths just to offer a hand of help if they needed any except [FRIENDS & FAMILY]
2 categories of people that one will take his/her heart out to and pour endless sorrows to the other party and the listener will be willing to share that listening ear.
1 and ONLY category of people that HE will always put himself last and sarcifice any and everything for the HER of HIS life, yet letting her have no knowledge of it.
I had already anticipated.
Tht reaching home late would cast a nagging session on me from you.
I told you, i wouldn't want to return home late so that you could sleep early.
& for that I mean it.
In your heart, in your mind, you might think my words are just words coming from a fairytale storybook; words that ain't real; words that you think I just sprout out of my mouth without it processing thru my brain; words that I casually mentioned?
In short, my words to you dont mean anything.
I told you, i will come home early, but yesterday I failed to do so.
I made it a point tht yesterday would be a stay home day after sch but tings obviously cropped up last min.
I aint those kind who hangs out to have fun all night and not think about my very own family at home waiting patiently for me. I'm NOT.
I'm HUMAN, I'm part of this family and that makes me all the more have FEELINGS and EMOTIONS for my own people.
But do you; do you have to always shoot me down?
I kept quiet all the while for this once and only.
Not because I was all at fault, but because explaining more to you will just make matters worst.
Explaining more to you, you wouldnt take my words into serious considerations.
Explaining more to you, will just make u think I'm still unaware of my "mistake".
Explaining more to you, and you will just love thinking I'm doing this to rebel against you, to rebut you.
Explaining more to you, will never make u think I've my own difficulties in life.
Explaining more to you, YOU WILL NEVER TAKE THAT EFFORT TO LISTEN.
so why can any kind soul tell me, should I take tht breath to start the gruelling conversation, when I clearly know how it's gonna turn out and how it's gonna end?
Even when I'm right, you will shut me up and make me wrong.
cuz the freedom of speech in this world; dont exist in yours.
For that whole night, i uttered no word at all.
You did all the talking, all the nagging, all the scolding.
and when I thought it was over,
early in the morning, you started ur condemnation.
the 1st thing i heard when i awoke.
1."Dont wan go school, den for what waste time and money? might as well go NS! Forever so horrible."
2."Everyday come home so late, 12am ask u come back very difficult? Dont like this house, this family den dont live here luh"
3."No wonder everytime say no money, always come home so late take taxi and pay for their midnight charges, dont ever come and ask me for money anymre."
4."You this age, mix with these type of friends, friends that can go dead drunk, you see yourself what kind of company you're mixing with!"
5."
..
..
..
..
..
it caused a slight crack in my heart, but maybe u werent able to see? cause you are blinded by your own words and thus, everything just seem ever invisible to you. Yet, silence was my reply to you.
If i had the chance to speak out for my own,
I choose to do it so here. Not in your presence that i'll defend myself.
1st reply: I promised myself I'll not pon school just cause of tiredness and being unable to wake up for class. Thus, I rather be late for class today than not go sch.
But do you know about this resolution of mine? Do you? I doubt you do...
2nd reply: I dint come back home early. yes it was my fault, but does that mean I hate coming back and living in this household? Least I did was make a point to come home early, but then again, I doubt you even trust me on this..
3rd reply: I've been always running low on money, not because I spent it all on cab fares. I'm no prince full of endless flow of money. I know how important money is to me. Would you think I will bare to spent all of it just on cabs? Have u ever thought about it? Or maybe, right from the start, you dint even try thinking nor understanding me at all.
4th reply: Have you truely seen who they are? Just because i often return home late? Does that make them bad kids and company whom i mix outside with? They are those!!! WHOM when I'm at my lowest moments, they are forever there for me. Are you? or WERE you ever there when i was sad.
..
If you could look back at every single phase tht you said upon me.
YOU of all people, jumped to conclusions.
But could i ever stop u from doing so?
I cant. and I wont. even. try.
I. Had. EnoughLabels: view source.
the choices we make...
the IMPERFECTIONist trying to make THIS world PERFECT.
蓝俊胜
