Sunday, April 11, 2010

Among the whole TEAM, we are one group of brothers.
Among these group of brothers, there is this ONE and ONLY clan of sworn brothers.
And Among these Sworned Brothers, are the 3 i treat as my very own brothers, not afraid to go thru thick and thin with them, not bothered abt money nor other stuffs like game credits.

However today, Is yet another test of brothership i find.
I myself failing at it.
I YEARN so much to be one of the swored brothers, cuz I can see. that 3 of them are really the kind of brothers I might have longed to have for life.
Though I'm still not one of them and probably not yet to be, I dont have the need to have a ceremony over this just to really prove to oneself and others tht we are all swored bothers.
"It's Not By Word That One Says, But By One's Actions That One Proves"

& amongst these three brothers,
S is whom I respect the most, due to be it seniority, Leadership, And team advisor. He is one with brains and never fails to consider all aspects of things before taking action. He is one who "led" us well til today, One who will never ever fail to let me look up to as an OLDER brother of brains.

K is one whom we exchanged out thoughts and views on almost every life issue. Helping one another as we can, in Friendship, Relationship, Family, Brothers, etc. yet K is also somehow the understanding individual who possess the same mindset as me, and always showing care somehow. He is a talking buddy who makes me realise alot of things during my very own life journey, one whom i will always consult in when i need advice. Taking care of me always.

W wont ever have any of our close brothers be hurt or taken advantage of. That is something worth mentioning abt him, our funny yet standing up for righteousness brother. With him around, we feel protected.

but today..
Their personality did change, yet mine changed the MOST.
S and I have thoughts abt K's gf but we sort it all out, not intending to tell K about it; and chose to put all trust on her instead.
I have my own personal thoughts which was shared with K, including those of S; this somehow became a stressful issue for K himself.
On the other hand, just a simple DONUT; can actually bring us all down.
Just a donut i mistook from the fridge; indirectly got the whole family to be mad at K.
Just for THAT donut; K's gf got banned from staying over anymore.
Just 1 $1++ of more donut got K to be damn fruastrated and all angry.
Partly because of this, partly cuz of his gf side of story.

In the end,
He got stressed abt it, angry with me because of one donut; but i cant blame him.
It was my fault afterall.
BUT it really sucks to see one's own brother got so fucked up with evrything.
making myself just as fucked up and indirectly,
S got scolded by me.
A got scolded by me.
Rest of the brothers just got another black face cuz of my own temper.

I never meant to scold S for not returning my fone.
I know that if this happened when i'm not stressed out, I wouldnt have shouted at S.
Moreover, I would NEVER shout at A for it has nothing to do with her.

End to end, i walked off, self-reflecting. Walked off even when i clearly heard W shouting for me.
What the fuck am i doing.
What the fuck is wrong. with me. with everything.
Just a DONUT. and aside for K's gf.
Everything just seemed so screwed.
If anyone was in my shoes,
I could bet my life all of them will wish to turn back time.
Though this might not be anything big to them,
but to me...
THIS MEANS ALOT.
THIS MEANS. The bond for my brothership's not sturdy.
THIS MEANS. Any other minor issues or mistakes can cause us to drift apart again.

SORRY.
& This sorries applies to.
K. for the donut. for the scolding u received just because of it. for HER being banned.
S. for having to endure my shoutings on the fone, for the bad temperedness.
A. for everything u were not involved, but i scolded u too.
W. for walking away
rest of my brothers. for us not being bonded strong together.

Just one wish.
A wish that these 7 brothers, wll never have to fall apart.
A wish that seems so impossible to come real.
A wish that for once will never change.

Labels: Apologies. Can Never Turn Back Time.

the choices we make...

the IMPERFECTIONist trying to make THIS world PERFECT.

Insights.

♠ Cloud Lam ♠

蓝俊胜
9th June 1992
junshen23@hotmail.com
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